Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Time Out
The last few weeks have been pretty feckin hard! I've been lied about, bullied, ignored, belittled, gossiped about, ridiculed and virtually assaulted. I've lost two friendships I care deeply about because of this crap. Tonight I realized that essentially, I've been emotionally battered by a bunch of people who claim to be loving and righteous because they say they have a relationship with the God of Love.Well, I'll do without that kind of "love" and "righteousness" thank you very much!
The weird thing is it makes sense in a way because they represent the god I grew up learning about in church. The one that says He loves you and then turns his back on you at the slightest offense and refuses to hear your prayers any more. The god that is content to let people suffer here on earth and in hell for all eternity because, for whatever reason, he decided not to save them through his apparently random "election" process. The one that abandons you if you complain.
Because they were "busted", now they want to talk.
Well, for the next 3 days I'm not talking. I'm indulging in the luxury of taking care of my own bruised ego, bunged up confidence and battered soul .
I'll go back to being strong, loving and compassionate later.
They can wait!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Unfreaking Beliveable!
Today I re-discovered how much I HATE conflict! Oh, it's not the being involved myself in a conflict that bothers me, although, I sure as hell don't like that either. No, it's the being on the outside of a conflict and watching people I care about fighting with each other that I hate! I especially don't like it when I either don't get what the argument is about in the first place, or, I can see that both sides have equal validity. It's in my nature to solve problems or "fix" things and when I can't "fix" the conflict between friends I feel frustrated, angry and helpless and I hate that!
Usually, like today, I jump in the middle, make some jokes and try to take "control" of the situation because I want more than anything for it to stop. Sometimes that works. More often than not though, the reaction is what happened today. Neither party is all too thrilled that I decided to jump in the middle of their "battle" and then they are aggravated with me as well as each other! Instead of making it better, which is all I want to do, I just make it worse.
Recently, I took a project management class where we learned about communication styles. In that class, we learned that men tend to blame others during a conflict whereas women tend to take the blame on themselves. It's a weird, but true, gender-based reaction to conflict and one in which, I admit, I fit the stereotype. I would have preferred they both be angry at me for days rather than with each other for a couple hours.
In that class, we also took a personality test, a version of the Myers Briggs, where I discovered that for my personality type INFP (sometimes I score as ENTP) it's common to have two ways of dealing with conflict. One, in which I'm a primary participant and the other, a conflict I'm around, but not directly involved as a participant.
When I'm a primary person in the conflict, I tend to withdraw, shut down and avoid the other person for as long as possible. However, the way I deal with conflict involving others is to be assertive, firm and mediate the dispute. I'm never scared when I'm on the outside of a conflict, but I often am when I'm directly involved. The truth is, I like being involved in conflict resolution processes and because it's easy for me to see various "sides" of an argument without making judgements about the people, I'm often quite sucessful at it.
It's in the middle of the battle, like today, where I'm sitting by, helplessly watching my friends inflict pain on each other with their words, that it's tough.
Having everyone else in the group commenting on the "battle" makes me even more uncomfortable. So, I move into what I call my "Xena, Warrior Princess mode" where I quickly clear the room by taking control of the conversation and forcing everyone who remains to only discuss "safe" topics. It's not a good way to win a popularity contest by any means, but it does keep the argument from spreading,even if it does mean I sometimes become the new target of the group's sniping. It's probably not too healthy, but hey, it works. It keeps my friends from being hurt further by some late comer's unsolicted and unhelpful opinion. Besides, I'm getting quite used to the idea that I'm not going to be popular all the time.
The way I look at it, the group should just let the people involved have the space and grace they need to work out things between themselves. There's no need for any one to provide a "post fight wrap up" for crying out loud. In those moments, I feel like a traffic cop..." We all saw what happened. Now just move on and clear the area folks...that's it, go back to what you were doing...move along..." All the while I'm thinking "how unfreaking believable! I can not believe that just happened. Did you see that?" I just keep it to myself though. After all, it's my "job" to keep the group moving along, so I just start being funny or find some other topic to distract them for a while.
I want to protect the hearts of the people I love and I can't always do that. Even though I can often clearly see where the thing went pear shaped, I'm powerless to change it. That goes against my natural tendency to solve problems. Today, I've re-learned that lesson. And that is why I say again, I HATE conflict!
Usually, like today, I jump in the middle, make some jokes and try to take "control" of the situation because I want more than anything for it to stop. Sometimes that works. More often than not though, the reaction is what happened today. Neither party is all too thrilled that I decided to jump in the middle of their "battle" and then they are aggravated with me as well as each other! Instead of making it better, which is all I want to do, I just make it worse.
Recently, I took a project management class where we learned about communication styles. In that class, we learned that men tend to blame others during a conflict whereas women tend to take the blame on themselves. It's a weird, but true, gender-based reaction to conflict and one in which, I admit, I fit the stereotype. I would have preferred they both be angry at me for days rather than with each other for a couple hours.
In that class, we also took a personality test, a version of the Myers Briggs, where I discovered that for my personality type INFP (sometimes I score as ENTP) it's common to have two ways of dealing with conflict. One, in which I'm a primary participant and the other, a conflict I'm around, but not directly involved as a participant.
When I'm a primary person in the conflict, I tend to withdraw, shut down and avoid the other person for as long as possible. However, the way I deal with conflict involving others is to be assertive, firm and mediate the dispute. I'm never scared when I'm on the outside of a conflict, but I often am when I'm directly involved. The truth is, I like being involved in conflict resolution processes and because it's easy for me to see various "sides" of an argument without making judgements about the people, I'm often quite sucessful at it.
It's in the middle of the battle, like today, where I'm sitting by, helplessly watching my friends inflict pain on each other with their words, that it's tough.
Having everyone else in the group commenting on the "battle" makes me even more uncomfortable. So, I move into what I call my "Xena, Warrior Princess mode" where I quickly clear the room by taking control of the conversation and forcing everyone who remains to only discuss "safe" topics. It's not a good way to win a popularity contest by any means, but it does keep the argument from spreading,even if it does mean I sometimes become the new target of the group's sniping. It's probably not too healthy, but hey, it works. It keeps my friends from being hurt further by some late comer's unsolicted and unhelpful opinion. Besides, I'm getting quite used to the idea that I'm not going to be popular all the time.
The way I look at it, the group should just let the people involved have the space and grace they need to work out things between themselves. There's no need for any one to provide a "post fight wrap up" for crying out loud. In those moments, I feel like a traffic cop..." We all saw what happened. Now just move on and clear the area folks...that's it, go back to what you were doing...move along..." All the while I'm thinking "how unfreaking believable! I can not believe that just happened. Did you see that?" I just keep it to myself though. After all, it's my "job" to keep the group moving along, so I just start being funny or find some other topic to distract them for a while.
I want to protect the hearts of the people I love and I can't always do that. Even though I can often clearly see where the thing went pear shaped, I'm powerless to change it. That goes against my natural tendency to solve problems. Today, I've re-learned that lesson. And that is why I say again, I HATE conflict!
Monday, May 21, 2007
Bill Richardson for President
Bill Richardson officially declared he is running for the President of the United States today!Richardson's qualifications include:
- US Congress
- Governor of New Mexico
- 4 time Nobel Peace Prize nominee
- Secretary of Energy under President Clinton
- U.S Ambassador to the United Nations
Learn more here:
http://www.richardsonforpresident.com/
A Special Path
When refusing to love for your entire existence
You block a path which could be graceful
Many reasons for your soul to be miserable
The only thing you find is sufferance
Searching for something better than misery
But your heart seems empty
The search suddenly feels hopeless
But not for I, for I am fearless.
©by Chantal Perron Aylmer, Canada 2002
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Big B's Bloggin' Blues Boogie
“…it’s just a stupid blog, ohhh it’s just a stupid blog
And they can’t kick me like a dog
‘cuz it’s just a stupid blog…”
And they can’t kick me like a dog
‘cuz it’s just a stupid blog…”
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Sunday Funnies
From the 2007 Red Nose Day show. Can you imagine "W" doing this?
Catherine Tate is a comedian in the UK who plays Lauren Cooper, a 15 year old school girl who is always in trouble with some adult. Her most famous line is "I ain't bothered"
Tony Blair is brilliant in this bit!
Catherine Tate is a comedian in the UK who plays Lauren Cooper, a 15 year old school girl who is always in trouble with some adult. Her most famous line is "I ain't bothered"
Tony Blair is brilliant in this bit!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Culture and Humour
Recently at a blog I frequent, there was a big brouhaha about some silly links a friend posted. In my opinion, the images are a bit goofy and immature, kinda like my friend, but certainly nothing to get all worked up over.
This got me to thinking about how so much of what we label "inappropriate" has to do with culture rather than content. You'd think in 21st century America, adults would just laugh off stuff like this for the silliness it is.
My goodness, if they ever went into any Toby Carvery ( a family resturant chain in the UK) these "delicate flowers" would just faint straight away. The walls of that place are covered with silly, old, cartoon postcards with drawings of nude people in all kinds of compromising and awkward situations.
Humour like that is everywhere in Europe, and no one's getting wound up about it as far as I could tell.
There's a much different idea of what is funny and what is obscene in Europe. They understand that human bodies are funny! Aw come on now....they are too! They are ridiculous really. If you don't believe me, just go look at yourself buck naked in a full length mirror. How can you possibly say that is not funny?
I'm posting those images here as a act of protest and solidarity with my friend, but mostly, because in that goofy, immature way, I think they're funny!
http://www.paultownend.com/photos/westcountry/b16.jpg
http://media.funny.co.uk/files/2811.jpg
This one is not of a human body, but of a dressed up animal. Just how the heck offensive can it be?
I'll let you be the judge of that.
http://www.best-funny-pictures.com/artworks/best-funny-pictures_rhino-underwear.jpg
This got me to thinking about how so much of what we label "inappropriate" has to do with culture rather than content. You'd think in 21st century America, adults would just laugh off stuff like this for the silliness it is.
My goodness, if they ever went into any Toby Carvery ( a family resturant chain in the UK) these "delicate flowers" would just faint straight away. The walls of that place are covered with silly, old, cartoon postcards with drawings of nude people in all kinds of compromising and awkward situations.
Humour like that is everywhere in Europe, and no one's getting wound up about it as far as I could tell.
There's a much different idea of what is funny and what is obscene in Europe. They understand that human bodies are funny! Aw come on now....they are too! They are ridiculous really. If you don't believe me, just go look at yourself buck naked in a full length mirror. How can you possibly say that is not funny?
I'm posting those images here as a act of protest and solidarity with my friend, but mostly, because in that goofy, immature way, I think they're funny!
http://www.paultownend.com/photos/westcountry/b16.jpg
http://media.funny.co.uk/files/2811.jpg
This one is not of a human body, but of a dressed up animal. Just how the heck offensive can it be?
I'll let you be the judge of that.
http://www.best-funny-pictures.com/artworks/best-funny-pictures_rhino-underwear.jpg
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